Wednesday, August 14, 2013
It's the Sioux word for the white man "one who has everything good". This is the watered down and more palatable version of what it originally meant. Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong provided me with this insight, but where it took me ultimately was altogether different. It's fascinating to learn new things, but I'm always amazed where my mind will go with what I've learned or how it decides to process. When the subject matter is one thing and your brain decides to veer off into your emotions, I ask myself - Why?
Considering all the crap I've dealt with this last year, I'm still completely amazed that I feel rather OK. There's a strength there which I can't completely understand where it comes from, but I just feel like I'm one who has everything good. That's probably why it resonated and I ingested it differently than what was the intention of the author. That or I'm going to redefine what Wasichu means again; evolving it to a whole new level. Progress; something good out of something bad.
Regardless of the circumstances, whether angry, frustrated, happy, sad, chill... whatever... I feel like everything IS good. It's as if it should be because it can't be anything else. The focus on reality is what grounds me and gives me the feeling of stability. I've always felt having a close personal relationship with reality, like my cover on my Facebook page boldly and proudly proclaims, is part of the reason for being skeptical, an atheist and one who is always searching for the truth.
I don't know it for a fact, but I think this connection to reality is what gives me this peace. Maybe it's just age and life experience. Or meds. Interestingly, I found out one of the heart medications I'm on helps with relieving anxiety. Could be I'm just fooling myself about my deep thought process and the chemical cocktail I'm forced to take because of a faulty pump is giving me what I never had in my younger years! Nah, just kidding - hard work, deep insight and a really interesting ride is what put me here.
The older I get, the more I drop off those things keeping me away from reality. I examine everything in my life and get to the bottom of why I think the way I do and if it doesn't cut muster, it's gone. One less ill-conceived, unrealistic reason for clinging to a fallacy opens a whole new way of understanding and clarity. Accepting the experience, good or bad, for what it is even as emotions are evoked by those events; the reality of each situation continually centering me. I feel them, I express them and then I ultimately accept the reality of the given situation. My strength comes from my clarity and what to do next. And from this acceptance comes an over all sense of being wrapped in good.
Here's to feeling that way until the day I die. Maybe I should get the word Wasichu tattooed on my body. Then it'll be permanent. Yeah.