Saturday, February 25, 2012

Coming Out Atheist

I've written about how I live my life as an atheist, but I've never talked about why I live my life as an atheist and what brought me to that decision. 

I've never considered my self burdened by or chained to religion, as I grew up in a household pretty much devoid of one, but I always did think I was supposed to have one throughout my early life or, at the very least, believe in the idea that there truly did exist someone known as god.

Who am I am now and what my views are on religion now are nowhere near where I came from. Let me explain how I became free from the shackles of thinking that I needed to 'believe' in anything.

When I was younger the thoughts always revolved around a feeling that there had to be a creator of what I was experiencing around me. I tried for many, many years to find that so called creator. Many churches of many different faiths saw my attendance as a possibility that I would somehow 'stick' with them when I enrolled in their churches. Alas, that didn't happen as each one let me down in one way or another.

One day, I just stopped going towards any church to answer the question of "Is there a creator?" I began a somewhat isolated approach to the question of spirituality. I asked myself and others many questions about god, but still never really received any answers that fully satisfied me.

The day that really cemented the fact that there couldn't be a god for me was when I watched the movie called "The Rapture" with Mimi Rogers. At the end, I could not help but to identify with the main character and say to myself 'how could a loving god be anything but an ass for what he has asked of her?' In the movie, god implored her to kill her own child and await instructions. She did as instructed, but then realized how vile this request was. She would sacrifice her own child and was supposed to be happy for making such a decision, then look lovingly in the eyes of her lord! How utterly disgusting.

From that moment on, it finally made sense to me. THIS is the god that everyone has wanted me to believe was real. There, unfortunately, was no way that I could EVER want to follow someone as egomaniacal as this guy. Finally, it resonated that if there truly was a god, he was a dick. So, from that time on, having no evidence for a god and coming to that conclusion, I've decided that atheist is the best label for me. If there was a god, why in the world would I align myself with or especially follow someone who has been depicted as someone who is completely and utterly morally bankrupt?

It has made my life simple and straight-forward. Today I enjoy my life and I look forward to experiencing it to the fullest, restrained from the guilt and shame of being judged for every single move I make. Freedom! How I live my life now is one that is rich with experience with the love of my husband and children, my friends - not met, old and new. It doesn't require the belief in a supernatural to live a satisfying and full life, it just requires being engaged in my life fully in order to experience one!

The picture above is the tattoo I got when I understood how important it was to be loud and proud about who I was. The atheist solidarity ribbon is to show everyone, atheists and believers, that we as atheists are here to stay and the saying "We will never be, never be anything but loud", is to proclaim that we cannot be silenced any longer!

1 comment: