Life Is Hard

They say being a mother is the hardest job in the world. Being a mother I can attest that it is hard, but I would still disagree with the sentiment. Rather, it's just another layer of hard while you are just doing life.

Being a mother, father, friend, co-worker or whatever else you add to that life - they can make it easier at times or harder than it already is - it just depends. Life itself will smack you upside the head with so many different situations making IT, living through it and surviving it, the hardest thing to do. Add to that all the different things we contribute to it rather poorly making our predicaments even worse.

www.facebook.com/TheIDEAlistRevolution

Yeah... congratulations. You deserve that.

Satan REALLY Has A Hold On Me

Satan/Lucifer/Beelzebub/Anti-Christ... all monikers for the evil one. The one who opposes all that is good about God. The opposite of love, the opposite of kindness; always creating chaos and destruction in all that he touches or involves himself with. According to many who believe in Christ, Satan is the one who contributes to all what's wrong with this world. I'm going to assume that's why God never gets the credit when bad shit happens, not when a child is raped or when natural catastrophes leave people homeless or worse, dead. Satan did it, the innocents are only in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or who knows, maybe it was a lesson they had to learn and WERE in the right place at the right time; God's plan is mysterious, after all.

The big meanie is mentioned in Chronicles, 1 Timothy, Revelation, Zechariah, Acts, Romans, 1 & 2 Corinthians, John, Mathew, Luke, Mark and mostly in Job. Guess that means he's real. Yeah, real like every thing in the bible claims to be. It's the word of God, so indisputably real. *Insert sarcasm here, just in case you didn't pick up what I was putting down.

I've never been personally told to my face that I must be Satan-like or a Satanic worshiper because I do not believe in God, but I've had many friends who have shared experiences with me where people (you know, the good Christians) have taunted them with slurs like that. It always amazes me that it would occur because if you think about it (and I know they have a hard time with that), if one doesn't believe in a god, why would that same someone believe or worship another imaginary entity, one just as incredulous as the first one they rebuke for lack of evidence? Do facts about Satan's existence exist where none for God do? Silly Christian, get your thinking cap on and make that light bulb go off... PLEASE!

A friend of mine who is teetering on the fence of what he believes was in shock when he found out that I identified as an Atheist. His exact words were "But you are so nice!" Well, of course I'm nice. Just because I don't believe in a god for whom there is no evidence doesn't automatically make me evil! But because I don't...

• Take Jesus to be my Lord and Savior (because I don't think he's real)
• Adhere to all of the Ten Commandments (some are just silly)

and because I do...

• Speak out against the irrational, the illogical, and some downright non-sensical things

... I'm considered not only wrong in my thinking, but yes, also an evil person by some. Oh, I hate when that happens! Not really. Actually, I find it comical. When I think of evil, I think of someone who has no conscience, driven only by a desire to fulfill any and every hateful desire. That person only wanting an outcome that produces a detrimental effect for someone else. There is no contemplation of right or wrong, only an internal need that wants acting on and a total and utter lack of empathy for the outcome; however disastrous it is for the person it is being inflicted upon. THAT is not me! Don't get me wrong, I've had hateful desires and have wished some very unsavory things would happen to some people, but I have never acted on them. This means I'm human, but a thoughtful one and certainly not evil.

Let's look at the guidelines that good people follow. We'll see how I rate.

 The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17 NKJV)

1.  "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."

I don't... before or after. Good there, so far.

2.  "You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments."

One commandment, so many directives! Okay, haven't made a carved image or likeness... cause I'm just not that artistic. I don't bow down or worship anything or anyone. If I don't have any proof for existence, how can I love it? Damn, one for two.

3. "You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain."

Oh, I'm obviously fucked here.

4.  "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it."

Whew! Safe there... I always make sure to have at least one day of downtime. 

(This is really a fucking commandment?)

5.   "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you."

I think he should have made sure that he gave me parents worth

 honoring. This one is not my fault.

6.   “You shall not murder."

I'm cool there.

7.  "You shall not commit adultery."

Guilty.

8.  "You shall not steal."

Guilty here, too. However, in my defense, had I not stolen as a child and then been disciplined in a very unique way, I would never have learned my lesson never to do it again. The commandment didn't stop me, my own actions did.

9.  "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."

I've lied, but I've really made it my goal in my life to be direct and honest at all times. I find that I'm more honest than most people, especially those who are supposedly cut of better cloth than me.

10.  "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's."

Good, I don't covet!!

Well, that's only four out of ten commandments that I can say I'm down with, but since I also dis the Jesus fella by not accepting him as my Lord and Savior... yep, still evil in some people's eyes.

So, if I'm only evil because I'm admitting to the world that I don't follow your guidelines tooth and nail or worship your god because I don't have enough evidence to accept there really is a god, then I'm to believe that all those who DO give it up to the god, supposedly following in the steps of their lord by being good... those are the ones who aren't evil? Really? Then please explain what I found here. Seems to me there are some pretty evil people claiming to be good or in other words, good people being evil and doing evil things. In my defense, seems I'm being judged for the wrong reasons.

Frankly, in my opinion, I shouldn't be judged at all. It's nobody's business how I choose to live, but specifically because I'm not causing detriment to anyone by how I choose to live my life. Just because someone is peeved that I have the audacity to function in my life differently than the way they live theirs... just fuck you and fuck off. Go do something productive. Harassing me, judging me, not accepting me for who I am will...

     a) not make me change my mind nor

     b) will I even remotely begin to consider that your way of life adds any value to mine.

Satan is obviously strong with this one. So defiant. he he

civ·i·lized... Living It

I've understood it to mean people are polite, well-bred, refined or that we are striving to have an advanced or humane culture or society. Being civilized is a great concept. There are some that I'd assign that label, but then I'd have to look around our world and see we are far from it... really.

 

Every day there are indecent and inhumane acts perpetrated on fellow human beings and the most heinous are those against our innocent ones. Daily I'm reminded how cruel some in our societies can be towards others; the victims though strong, they are defeated and the weak who can't fight back, they easily succumb. You've seen the unspeakable on Facebook, on the news or through a retelling of a story by a friend. It's all horrendous and it's not civilized.

When the news feed is especially full and laden with these horror stories I easily become depressed and feel heaviness in my physical state. To be empathetic is to risk having these emotions and feelings, and it literally hurts when these awful situations present themselves. You wish you had the power to change the bad outcomes for all those stories that you come in contact with, but you know you can't. That only makes it hurt worse some times. But what can you do? Sometimes nothing. Other times you can make a donation, send supplies, offer calming words and a shoulder or a bear hug to wipe away the sorrow. Being helpful when you are empathetic goes a long way to healing your heart-felt emotions that flood up your being and it benefits someone else to help lift them out of their misery. But sometimes I don't feel like I ever do near enough because the bad just keeps coming.

How civilized can we really be when it just doesn't ever seem to end? I don't think we are really completely civilized if we look at the big picture of humanity on this planet. We seem to be getting a step or two above being the totally barbaric humans we were thousands of years ago when intelligence seemed to be lacking, but we still have some segments of the population who missed the lessons of the enlightenment period.

 

I've witnessed some individual people who are civilized, at least they appear to be. But maybe they are just like me. I used to think I was until I truly contemplated what being civilized meant to me. Remembering instances when I didn't lift a finger, for whatever the reason, challenged that thought. Watching ex-friends implode from sidelines, just shaking my head saying they deserved it. Karma bitch... you're getting what you had coming to you. I didn't feel any hesitation in not doing anything, nor a pang of guilt. My empathy chip is on low or does it really mean I'm full of shit when I say I'm civilized?

There are many people who have wronged me that I've put on my list that I won't or don't lift a finger for. This honest admission causes me to think that I might be less civilized than I thought I was. My inaction or my less than helpful mood shows me to be vengeful. Although I know that if those people on my list were bleeding in front of me I couldn't look away. Much less do nothing to end their sorrow, pain or predicament. My good nature would surface once again; being proactively humane would suggest that I am indeed civilized. It's just that I don't have as much empathy for their plight at the time they hurt me; being human means I'll be human when the time comes.

Writing gets me thinking and thereby doing or at the very least, trying to do the right thing. It has made me more civilized, I think. I know that it is impossible for me to stop every bad thing that happens in the world, but just being a live human being means I have to make a commitment to myself to strive to be better and do better everyday. That is what makes me civilized! I defiantly impact my world in a positive fashion, my actions reflect my humanity showing that I've thoughtfully chosen to teach my family and community what it means to live civilized among them. How my world around me is starts with me from the time I wake up and doesn't end until I go to bed after giving my day everything that I can. If I can't bring something positive to it then I'm adding nothing of value to it and being a part of a civilization is a lie. I don't want to be UN-civilized. 

I need to be sure that my daily efforts are guided by that thought and my input reflects it.

I've Got Better Things To Do

iamlostandfound.wordpress.com

When we look at the animal kingdom or plant life, none of it worships anything. The driving force for them is simply to exist, they only desire to stay alive and ensure the next generation.  That would be ours as well, but the difference is that we as humans also have the ability to create a life that we enjoy while we are staying alive and procreating.

So do plants and animals think they have a creator? No, they don't think anything, they are only driven by instincts.

That then begs the question - why would some of us here think we humans should believe there is a creator worthy of being worshiped? Easy bullet point answers immediately come to mind - indoctrinated as children, social structures bringing them into a feeling of community, not wanting to feel out of place or odd man out in the crowd, experience of trauma and saved by a religious community... just to name the obvious. These situations can all lead to feelings of compliance and one of let's 'follow the leader' just because of the individual experiences the people had. This is the set up for worshiping someone or something. Because who wants to stray from the one thing or person that gave them comfort or continual care during their time of need? Throw in a little fear of what will happen if they are not compliant and there is the recipe for ownership by a creator. It is all about emotions during the experiences that are thrust on them. From this it is hard to escape when those involved want to so desperately to fit in and maintain that level of comfort they've come to rely on.

When we look at things realistically and without the influence of religion, we are all just part of the natural process of life. Every time an egg and a sperm get together fertilization ensues in about 70% of couplings and voila! potential humans are created and brought to term. Once that whole process is complete and life outside the womb begins, our individual goal is ultimately to just have the best possible life; our comfort level and our quality of life being of utmost importance until the very end.

Choosing to believe in a creator that needs worshiping does not mean that all humans turn out the same way or have predictable and easy lives. Those controlling the people would like that to be the case, but even with the restrictions and guidelines for godliness in place, there are deviations from the plan... frequently. Of course there would be because every life experience is different, each encounter with other human beings and situations influences decisions made and creates many potential outcomes. Religion can't control everything, it would like to think it can but it can't.

But imagine what a different world we would live in if what we produced weren't just mindless robots programmed to function according to someone else's idea of what a full life should be. We'd be raising potential adults that are taught to let life be a teacher with many lessons, allowing those experiences to fully engage them, and letting them learn and absorb those experiences in awe and wonder. Allowing them to consistently question everything for themselves rather than just shutting down their minds from understanding the world around them.... oh what a world it would be! Teaching our spawn to be self-reliant, ever questioning and in control of their own destiny... yes, that would result in a much different dynamic. I predict we'd live in a world with a whole lot less fear and more of a sense of adventure and wonder at what is just around the corner.

Further, we would not automatically think we needed someone or something to worship because we would depend on ourselves and our knowledge to propel us forward. Fully participating in our own life would keep us on our toes and reliant on ourselves at all times. We would, in essence, be the ones we'd look to for comfort and reassurance. We are connected to this world and most importantly, we'd feel acceptance and belonging because of the shared experience. There would be no need to look outside ourselves for something to make us feel whole. Worshiping something or someone wouldn't be necessary, nor would we have time for it as our lives would be full of following our dreams and desires. Who would want to spin their wheels glorifying someone or something else when the things you do for yourself give you the satisfaction to engage even further and deeper into the experiences of your own life? Who needs a god when what you possess yourself instinctively and determinedly can take you places that only requires that you are engaged?

Frankly spoken, what a waste of your time to devote it to the worshiping of another. You should be inspired by those who possess skills you don't have, learn things from others who have insights to share, even admire others for talents you wish you had, but to idolize or worship someone just because they are allegedly greater than you... NO! Every person has value and every one's value is different, worshiping someone else is negating the value that you yourself have. That is just stupid and in my opinion, it is just wrong to ever let someone feel like that.

Personally, I'd rather vomit than worship anyone, specifically a man-made god created solely for the purpose of controlling others. Do yourself a favor, go do something meaningful or fulfilling with your life... do anything that doesn't require giving up on what you have to offer or what you want to bring to this world. Your value sky rockets when you give yourself permission to believe in yourself.

Killer, Hero... Dead

topoften.com

I learned of his death recently in the Time piece "Killer ~ Healer ~ Victim", where Mark Thompson glorifies Chris Kyle for his heroic actions on and off the battlefield. I would say somewhat rightly so, but it would depend on what you feel should be considered heroic.

It is tragic and sad that Kyle's life was cut short by Eddie Ray Routh, the man who gunned him down; the man that Kyle was trying to help. However, frankly spoken, I think we should be talking more about his recklessness for bringing a mentally unstable man to target practice. Even a retired Army colonel piped in that it seemed crazy to bring a troubled young man to a firing range.

My intent isn't to malign Kyle in this forum, but rather to question his decision-making processes and hopefully learn from this tragedy. I've not stepped into this topic very deeply or discussed it at length previously besides posting a few images on Facebook that reflect my sentiments, but this piece struck a chord for me. This story highlights the crux of the gun violence debate, specifically the ones that are the most devastating.

Routh was unstable. He had a history of steadily deteriorating mental health, battled with drinking problems and his inability to maintain steady work only compounded his situation. It was very evident that he had problems coping after his four-year stint with the Marines, one incident clearly demonstrating this was the attempt he made to kill his parents in September 2012.

As much as Kyle has been glorified for his past actions, privately and work-related, wasn't using some common sense in this situation in order? It would seem that he was a smart man, what with his history and all. Did he possibly just misjudge this situation or are we to believe that he just thinks that guns are appropriate in any and every situation? Either scenario tells me that there was something lacking in Kyle's critical thinking skills when he made the decision to bring Routh to the firing range.

We've all heard the suggestion that guns don't kill people, people kill people; at least the NRA and many of the loud gun owners proclaim this to justify holding onto their guns. Why did this exact line of thinking not cross Kyle's mind in this situation? How does bringing Routh to the shooting range for treatment, this potential killer with training and someone Kyle knew was mentally unstable, even become a viable option? How does Kyle not stop to think of the possible deadly outcome considering what he was aware of with Routh? It seems a little common sense was in order.

Guns do kill people, especially when we put them in situations that give them license to do so, and in this situation, it was obviously to Kyle's detriment. I understand that no one really knows what set Routh off and why he chose to act out the way that he did, but how did Kyle not stop to think that putting a gun in the hands of someone disturbed wouldn't make it all better??? Again, no common sense.

"Kyle was a killer who became a healer. How could he so suddenly be transformed again, into a victim?" He died because he felt that "shooting was a key part of the process of treating troubled soldiers. He felt this helped them be "treated like they men they are: equals, heroes and people who still have tremendous value for society." His heart may have been in the right place, but his head really needed to be there as well.

Yes, guns don't actually make the choice to kill someone; it takes someone to pull the trigger. But can we at least all agree that keeping guns out of the hands of mentally unstable people is appropriate and in the best interest of those around them. The disturbed might not be the best people to hand guns over to when we don't really know what they feel themselves capable of doing.

Can we use some common sense? Please?

Utterances

I can't seem to form fully developed sentences about you/us/the time we spend together. They just don't fall out in a neat, well-delivered package... all I come up with are adjectives... breathless, full of passion and without cadence.

The Fallacy of Labels - Part Two

Atheists still rank as bad people according to an article released on March 21, 2013 by the Public Religion Research Institute and the Brookings Institution. Not surprised, but more importantly, really just tired of still being categorized.

Friendly Atheist thinks we should still be vocal and continue to speak out against people who claim the atheist label is an automatic given of 'badness'. And he's not wrong, but what I disagree with is that we should stand behind a label as if that is what represents us, as in "Hey man, you got the wrong idea about us atheists! We're good!"

Labels are simply many descriptors of who we are as individuals. Labels that we identify with tell people how we live, what we think, what role we play in a situation, what we pursue, where we come from, how we align politically, it gives others around us a general idea of our ideology and thought process; to name just a few.

Labels suck... I've said this before and this recent post brings me back to the original reason for my posting about it to being with. Labels, in and of themselves, suck. Claiming that atheists (the label) are good, is wrong. Atheists, like any other group or label, have the potential of being good people, and some just do not rise to that descriptor of being 'good' people. Their actions would speak otherwise.

We shouldn't be furthering the idea that atheists are just better people because the 'other people' got the definition wrong. No, we should be telling those people they need to stop buying into a descriptor they got wrong and in some cases we might actually have to say "Yeah, he's a bad person AND he identifies as an atheist." Teach those that would knock the label the difference... THAT is what we should be promoting.

It's cool if we want to identify as atheists (it's a great descriptor for not believing in a god), but if we want to show the world that we are 'good people' then we should damn well act like it, too! We should be demonstrably showing the world what kind of people we are through our actions. And this goes for any group - agnostics/non-believers/christians/hindus/catholics/muslims... you get my point.

We will never truly get to a place where stereotypes, labels or groups go away and we will continue to be dismissed, discriminated against or marginalized if we don't stop valuing a group rather than individuals and their contributions and efforts. If we continue to reduce the people to labels, that is all they will only ever be.

These studies and, honestly, the continued approval needed by any community from these kinds of studies only goes to show that we value a label more than we do the actions of the individuals who happen to identify with that label.

I just think that sucks.

Wow Factor.. You've Got It, Too

Don't just be in awe of other people... be in awe of yourself.

No Holding Back Allowed

It would seem that it was a conscious choice for me to go down that road of conformity as so many people do, but when I look back on my twenties it doesn't feel like it was done with my approval. The lessons learned during my upbringing and my duplicating them seem to be more important than forging the kind of life that I wanted for myself. This is how my life started to play out as I began the business of becoming an adult.

I was loud, strong and opinionated during my early childhood; specifically so during my teenage years. It seemed I was always in the face of figures of authority; questioning, defying and generally not accepting things 'just because' they said so. I rebelled and commandeered attention to my positions held because it was the right thing to do.... then.

When I approached my mid-thirties and reflected back on my years, it became evident that I had sacrificed the me who was so strong early on. I abdicated my choice in determining how to move forward when I started deceiving myself about who I was. Asking the question ‘When did I start lying to myself?’ didn’t help me to make any course corrections either. I gave in simply to 'fit in', took the path of least resistance or, many times, just reacted to life rather than determining what was best for me. I got a job, worked all week to party all weekend long, paid my bills, had failed relationships, got married, got divorced, bought a house, remarried and settled into a good but uneventful life with my husband and children. It was a good life and safe.

I frequently ask myself now, approaching my fifties, what made me conform in my early twenties and when did the lying to myself override my natural urge to throttle the establishment?  And that which was once so strong inside me, why couldn’t it find the strength to break free and let loose what so obviously was being held back? The only answer I keep coming back to is that the influence that was around me at the time seemed to deserve more attention from me, or warranted more credit than my very own input.

The insecurities borne in dysfunction only added to hold me back from a path of my own construction and gave me permission to let myself down. Me lying to myself made the choices more comfortable and made it easier to digest the unacknowledged dissatisfaction that was ever present. In looking back, I realized there were so many situations where the outcomes could easily have been predicted by my lack of involvement in the process, but I let it happen anyway.

The one decision I would remedy, if I could change anything from my past, is that instant when I semi-consciously allowed myself to depart from a state of feeling fully engaged with who I was to that state of being where I really became more of a bystander and follower. Before I resigned myself to that ‘traditional’ life I was proud of what I put out into the world. Sadly, and obviously, not enough though. It felt as if I had shifted from a place of strength to one of conforming to the examples around me. It seemed as if it wasn't me directing my life anymore, or me being the main contributor in who I wanted to be. It was a feeling of going with the flow rather than rocking the boat that seemed to be more important at the time. My life didn't turn out bad; it just wasn’t all that extraordinary either. In other words, it was the 'standard' life, far from what I had imagined for myself when I was much younger. And again, not that it was bad, but the emotion that this self-deception of the past evokes in me now, helps me to understand where it originally went off track.

As I reflect back now, I know that who I am today is a person I can still be proud of, and that where I reside intellectually is still an amazing place regardless of what I did not do in my life. Luckily, the lessons I learned over the years have shaped me well, and I am grateful for who I am now.

Today, I challenge myself as well as others to always push the boundaries of what they accept for themselves. The benefits I reap from challenging myself are enormous. The likeability factor alone that I feel I’ve achieved is huge! And I’m not referring to others thinking I’m more likeable, I’m talking about the fact that I like me more now than during the time where me didn’t seem to have much say about anything!

I think my friends benefit from this rediscovered frame of mind because it makes me a ‘catalyst for good’, theirs and mine. When the experience I bring to the table of our relationships pushes the people I care about to live their lives in a more productive fashion, it’s a win-win situation. Their gains, while propelling themselves forward, forging through obstacles or just remaining true to their personality and character; oh, what rich lives they will lead! It is worth it for me to personally be a witness to it. But more importantly, to see them experience what helps them remain in total control of themselves… priceless.

And yet, there is still a part of me deep inside that regrets pushing down the possibility of who I could have been when I didn't hold firm to the notion that who I was at that time in my early twenties was good enough and deserved to just BE. Still there is regret.

The regret comes from a place of "What if?" meaning that it probably shouldn't be explored because we all know that we can never really satisfactorily answer that question. If we are to deal in reality, then how my life turned out is exactly as it should be because of the choices and decisions I made, whether consciously or by drifting on automatic. Playing devil's advocate, envisioning that it could have been any different is what makes the feelings of regret so strong but also incredibly irrelevant. I can't go back and change anything now!

The subduing of my person-hood that began so long ago and what lasted for so many years has left me with the current feeling of “Man, I've really got some catching up to do!” I need to propel myself into taking the chances I had been so reluctant to take before and live my life exactly the way I want to now. Precious time was lost! I feel so empowered with my eyes wide open and brain fully engaged in the process of the life still ahead of me. So, maybe it's a good thing after all, this regret.

I think they might call that ‘The cycle of life’…

Enjoying Life

I'm a little inebriated. Enjoying my weekend, as it should be. Wine has helped with that.

The rest of my family is enjoying it the way they see fit. My husband, asleep on the couch... our dog, Olli, sleeping right next to him. My younger son, spending it with his girlfriend and the oldest, working. His experience, maybe not so fun.

I don't indulge as often as I used to because of the heart issues, and that makes perfect sense, but I still have to live a little.

My friends have made that perfectly clear to me that regardless of whatever my circumstances may be, I still have to LIVE. And if living means, enjoying it beyond the bounds of what my doctors are telling me... then by all means, it must be done. At the very least, if I'm breaking the rules, it means I'm enjoying my life.

Isn't that really what life is all about besides the day to day? Whether you decide for yourself enjoyment is about family, selfish indulging or shared enthusiasm... life is about enjoying it!

I raise my glass (thanks P!nk!) in honor of all those who fully appreciate that life is more than just about sacrifice and doing the right thing, it's about getting the MOST out of it.

I ♥ my life. :) .... and it's not just the wine talking.