civ·i·lized... Living It

I've understood it to mean people are polite, well-bred, refined or that we are striving to have an advanced or humane culture or society. Being civilized is a great concept. There are some that I'd assign that label, but then I'd have to look around our world and see we are far from it... really.

 

Every day there are indecent and inhumane acts perpetrated on fellow human beings and the most heinous are those against our innocent ones. Daily I'm reminded how cruel some in our societies can be towards others; the victims though strong, they are defeated and the weak who can't fight back, they easily succumb. You've seen the unspeakable on Facebook, on the news or through a retelling of a story by a friend. It's all horrendous and it's not civilized.

When the news feed is especially full and laden with these horror stories I easily become depressed and feel heaviness in my physical state. To be empathetic is to risk having these emotions and feelings, and it literally hurts when these awful situations present themselves. You wish you had the power to change the bad outcomes for all those stories that you come in contact with, but you know you can't. That only makes it hurt worse some times. But what can you do? Sometimes nothing. Other times you can make a donation, send supplies, offer calming words and a shoulder or a bear hug to wipe away the sorrow. Being helpful when you are empathetic goes a long way to healing your heart-felt emotions that flood up your being and it benefits someone else to help lift them out of their misery. But sometimes I don't feel like I ever do near enough because the bad just keeps coming.

How civilized can we really be when it just doesn't ever seem to end? I don't think we are really completely civilized if we look at the big picture of humanity on this planet. We seem to be getting a step or two above being the totally barbaric humans we were thousands of years ago when intelligence seemed to be lacking, but we still have some segments of the population who missed the lessons of the enlightenment period.

 

I've witnessed some individual people who are civilized, at least they appear to be. But maybe they are just like me. I used to think I was until I truly contemplated what being civilized meant to me. Remembering instances when I didn't lift a finger, for whatever the reason, challenged that thought. Watching ex-friends implode from sidelines, just shaking my head saying they deserved it. Karma bitch... you're getting what you had coming to you. I didn't feel any hesitation in not doing anything, nor a pang of guilt. My empathy chip is on low or does it really mean I'm full of shit when I say I'm civilized?

There are many people who have wronged me that I've put on my list that I won't or don't lift a finger for. This honest admission causes me to think that I might be less civilized than I thought I was. My inaction or my less than helpful mood shows me to be vengeful. Although I know that if those people on my list were bleeding in front of me I couldn't look away. Much less do nothing to end their sorrow, pain or predicament. My good nature would surface once again; being proactively humane would suggest that I am indeed civilized. It's just that I don't have as much empathy for their plight at the time they hurt me; being human means I'll be human when the time comes.

Writing gets me thinking and thereby doing or at the very least, trying to do the right thing. It has made me more civilized, I think. I know that it is impossible for me to stop every bad thing that happens in the world, but just being a live human being means I have to make a commitment to myself to strive to be better and do better everyday. That is what makes me civilized! I defiantly impact my world in a positive fashion, my actions reflect my humanity showing that I've thoughtfully chosen to teach my family and community what it means to live civilized among them. How my world around me is starts with me from the time I wake up and doesn't end until I go to bed after giving my day everything that I can. If I can't bring something positive to it then I'm adding nothing of value to it and being a part of a civilization is a lie. I don't want to be UN-civilized. 

I need to be sure that my daily efforts are guided by that thought and my input reflects it.

I've Got Better Things To Do

iamlostandfound.wordpress.com

When we look at the animal kingdom or plant life, none of it worships anything. The driving force for them is simply to exist, they only desire to stay alive and ensure the next generation.  That would be ours as well, but the difference is that we as humans also have the ability to create a life that we enjoy while we are staying alive and procreating.

So do plants and animals think they have a creator? No, they don't think anything, they are only driven by instincts.

That then begs the question - why would some of us here think we humans should believe there is a creator worthy of being worshiped? Easy bullet point answers immediately come to mind - indoctrinated as children, social structures bringing them into a feeling of community, not wanting to feel out of place or odd man out in the crowd, experience of trauma and saved by a religious community... just to name the obvious. These situations can all lead to feelings of compliance and one of let's 'follow the leader' just because of the individual experiences the people had. This is the set up for worshiping someone or something. Because who wants to stray from the one thing or person that gave them comfort or continual care during their time of need? Throw in a little fear of what will happen if they are not compliant and there is the recipe for ownership by a creator. It is all about emotions during the experiences that are thrust on them. From this it is hard to escape when those involved want to so desperately to fit in and maintain that level of comfort they've come to rely on.

When we look at things realistically and without the influence of religion, we are all just part of the natural process of life. Every time an egg and a sperm get together fertilization ensues in about 70% of couplings and voila! potential humans are created and brought to term. Once that whole process is complete and life outside the womb begins, our individual goal is ultimately to just have the best possible life; our comfort level and our quality of life being of utmost importance until the very end.

Choosing to believe in a creator that needs worshiping does not mean that all humans turn out the same way or have predictable and easy lives. Those controlling the people would like that to be the case, but even with the restrictions and guidelines for godliness in place, there are deviations from the plan... frequently. Of course there would be because every life experience is different, each encounter with other human beings and situations influences decisions made and creates many potential outcomes. Religion can't control everything, it would like to think it can but it can't.

But imagine what a different world we would live in if what we produced weren't just mindless robots programmed to function according to someone else's idea of what a full life should be. We'd be raising potential adults that are taught to let life be a teacher with many lessons, allowing those experiences to fully engage them, and letting them learn and absorb those experiences in awe and wonder. Allowing them to consistently question everything for themselves rather than just shutting down their minds from understanding the world around them.... oh what a world it would be! Teaching our spawn to be self-reliant, ever questioning and in control of their own destiny... yes, that would result in a much different dynamic. I predict we'd live in a world with a whole lot less fear and more of a sense of adventure and wonder at what is just around the corner.

Further, we would not automatically think we needed someone or something to worship because we would depend on ourselves and our knowledge to propel us forward. Fully participating in our own life would keep us on our toes and reliant on ourselves at all times. We would, in essence, be the ones we'd look to for comfort and reassurance. We are connected to this world and most importantly, we'd feel acceptance and belonging because of the shared experience. There would be no need to look outside ourselves for something to make us feel whole. Worshiping something or someone wouldn't be necessary, nor would we have time for it as our lives would be full of following our dreams and desires. Who would want to spin their wheels glorifying someone or something else when the things you do for yourself give you the satisfaction to engage even further and deeper into the experiences of your own life? Who needs a god when what you possess yourself instinctively and determinedly can take you places that only requires that you are engaged?

Frankly spoken, what a waste of your time to devote it to the worshiping of another. You should be inspired by those who possess skills you don't have, learn things from others who have insights to share, even admire others for talents you wish you had, but to idolize or worship someone just because they are allegedly greater than you... NO! Every person has value and every one's value is different, worshiping someone else is negating the value that you yourself have. That is just stupid and in my opinion, it is just wrong to ever let someone feel like that.

Personally, I'd rather vomit than worship anyone, specifically a man-made god created solely for the purpose of controlling others. Do yourself a favor, go do something meaningful or fulfilling with your life... do anything that doesn't require giving up on what you have to offer or what you want to bring to this world. Your value sky rockets when you give yourself permission to believe in yourself.

Killer, Hero... Dead

topoften.com

I learned of his death recently in the Time piece "Killer ~ Healer ~ Victim", where Mark Thompson glorifies Chris Kyle for his heroic actions on and off the battlefield. I would say somewhat rightly so, but it would depend on what you feel should be considered heroic.

It is tragic and sad that Kyle's life was cut short by Eddie Ray Routh, the man who gunned him down; the man that Kyle was trying to help. However, frankly spoken, I think we should be talking more about his recklessness for bringing a mentally unstable man to target practice. Even a retired Army colonel piped in that it seemed crazy to bring a troubled young man to a firing range.

My intent isn't to malign Kyle in this forum, but rather to question his decision-making processes and hopefully learn from this tragedy. I've not stepped into this topic very deeply or discussed it at length previously besides posting a few images on Facebook that reflect my sentiments, but this piece struck a chord for me. This story highlights the crux of the gun violence debate, specifically the ones that are the most devastating.

Routh was unstable. He had a history of steadily deteriorating mental health, battled with drinking problems and his inability to maintain steady work only compounded his situation. It was very evident that he had problems coping after his four-year stint with the Marines, one incident clearly demonstrating this was the attempt he made to kill his parents in September 2012.

As much as Kyle has been glorified for his past actions, privately and work-related, wasn't using some common sense in this situation in order? It would seem that he was a smart man, what with his history and all. Did he possibly just misjudge this situation or are we to believe that he just thinks that guns are appropriate in any and every situation? Either scenario tells me that there was something lacking in Kyle's critical thinking skills when he made the decision to bring Routh to the firing range.

We've all heard the suggestion that guns don't kill people, people kill people; at least the NRA and many of the loud gun owners proclaim this to justify holding onto their guns. Why did this exact line of thinking not cross Kyle's mind in this situation? How does bringing Routh to the shooting range for treatment, this potential killer with training and someone Kyle knew was mentally unstable, even become a viable option? How does Kyle not stop to think of the possible deadly outcome considering what he was aware of with Routh? It seems a little common sense was in order.

Guns do kill people, especially when we put them in situations that give them license to do so, and in this situation, it was obviously to Kyle's detriment. I understand that no one really knows what set Routh off and why he chose to act out the way that he did, but how did Kyle not stop to think that putting a gun in the hands of someone disturbed wouldn't make it all better??? Again, no common sense.

"Kyle was a killer who became a healer. How could he so suddenly be transformed again, into a victim?" He died because he felt that "shooting was a key part of the process of treating troubled soldiers. He felt this helped them be "treated like they men they are: equals, heroes and people who still have tremendous value for society." His heart may have been in the right place, but his head really needed to be there as well.

Yes, guns don't actually make the choice to kill someone; it takes someone to pull the trigger. But can we at least all agree that keeping guns out of the hands of mentally unstable people is appropriate and in the best interest of those around them. The disturbed might not be the best people to hand guns over to when we don't really know what they feel themselves capable of doing.

Can we use some common sense? Please?

Utterances

I can't seem to form fully developed sentences about you/us/the time we spend together. They just don't fall out in a neat, well-delivered package... all I come up with are adjectives... breathless, full of passion and without cadence.

The Fallacy of Labels - Part Two

Atheists still rank as bad people according to an article released on March 21, 2013 by the Public Religion Research Institute and the Brookings Institution. Not surprised, but more importantly, really just tired of still being categorized.

Friendly Atheist thinks we should still be vocal and continue to speak out against people who claim the atheist label is an automatic given of 'badness'. And he's not wrong, but what I disagree with is that we should stand behind a label as if that is what represents us, as in "Hey man, you got the wrong idea about us atheists! We're good!"

Labels are simply many descriptors of who we are as individuals. Labels that we identify with tell people how we live, what we think, what role we play in a situation, what we pursue, where we come from, how we align politically, it gives others around us a general idea of our ideology and thought process; to name just a few.

Labels suck... I've said this before and this recent post brings me back to the original reason for my posting about it to being with. Labels, in and of themselves, suck. Claiming that atheists (the label) are good, is wrong. Atheists, like any other group or label, have the potential of being good people, and some just do not rise to that descriptor of being 'good' people. Their actions would speak otherwise.

We shouldn't be furthering the idea that atheists are just better people because the 'other people' got the definition wrong. No, we should be telling those people they need to stop buying into a descriptor they got wrong and in some cases we might actually have to say "Yeah, he's a bad person AND he identifies as an atheist." Teach those that would knock the label the difference... THAT is what we should be promoting.

It's cool if we want to identify as atheists (it's a great descriptor for not believing in a god), but if we want to show the world that we are 'good people' then we should damn well act like it, too! We should be demonstrably showing the world what kind of people we are through our actions. And this goes for any group - agnostics/non-believers/christians/hindus/catholics/muslims... you get my point.

We will never truly get to a place where stereotypes, labels or groups go away and we will continue to be dismissed, discriminated against or marginalized if we don't stop valuing a group rather than individuals and their contributions and efforts. If we continue to reduce the people to labels, that is all they will only ever be.

These studies and, honestly, the continued approval needed by any community from these kinds of studies only goes to show that we value a label more than we do the actions of the individuals who happen to identify with that label.

I just think that sucks.

Wow Factor.. You've Got It, Too

Don't just be in awe of other people... be in awe of yourself.

No Holding Back Allowed

It would seem that it was a conscious choice for me to go down that road of conformity as so many people do, but when I look back on my twenties it doesn't feel like it was done with my approval. The lessons learned during my upbringing and my duplicating them seem to be more important than forging the kind of life that I wanted for myself. This is how my life started to play out as I began the business of becoming an adult.

I was loud, strong and opinionated during my early childhood; specifically so during my teenage years. It seemed I was always in the face of figures of authority; questioning, defying and generally not accepting things 'just because' they said so. I rebelled and commandeered attention to my positions held because it was the right thing to do.... then.

When I approached my mid-thirties and reflected back on my years, it became evident that I had sacrificed the me who was so strong early on. I abdicated my choice in determining how to move forward when I started deceiving myself about who I was. Asking the question ‘When did I start lying to myself?’ didn’t help me to make any course corrections either. I gave in simply to 'fit in', took the path of least resistance or, many times, just reacted to life rather than determining what was best for me. I got a job, worked all week to party all weekend long, paid my bills, had failed relationships, got married, got divorced, bought a house, remarried and settled into a good but uneventful life with my husband and children. It was a good life and safe.

I frequently ask myself now, approaching my fifties, what made me conform in my early twenties and when did the lying to myself override my natural urge to throttle the establishment?  And that which was once so strong inside me, why couldn’t it find the strength to break free and let loose what so obviously was being held back? The only answer I keep coming back to is that the influence that was around me at the time seemed to deserve more attention from me, or warranted more credit than my very own input.

The insecurities borne in dysfunction only added to hold me back from a path of my own construction and gave me permission to let myself down. Me lying to myself made the choices more comfortable and made it easier to digest the unacknowledged dissatisfaction that was ever present. In looking back, I realized there were so many situations where the outcomes could easily have been predicted by my lack of involvement in the process, but I let it happen anyway.

The one decision I would remedy, if I could change anything from my past, is that instant when I semi-consciously allowed myself to depart from a state of feeling fully engaged with who I was to that state of being where I really became more of a bystander and follower. Before I resigned myself to that ‘traditional’ life I was proud of what I put out into the world. Sadly, and obviously, not enough though. It felt as if I had shifted from a place of strength to one of conforming to the examples around me. It seemed as if it wasn't me directing my life anymore, or me being the main contributor in who I wanted to be. It was a feeling of going with the flow rather than rocking the boat that seemed to be more important at the time. My life didn't turn out bad; it just wasn’t all that extraordinary either. In other words, it was the 'standard' life, far from what I had imagined for myself when I was much younger. And again, not that it was bad, but the emotion that this self-deception of the past evokes in me now, helps me to understand where it originally went off track.

As I reflect back now, I know that who I am today is a person I can still be proud of, and that where I reside intellectually is still an amazing place regardless of what I did not do in my life. Luckily, the lessons I learned over the years have shaped me well, and I am grateful for who I am now.

Today, I challenge myself as well as others to always push the boundaries of what they accept for themselves. The benefits I reap from challenging myself are enormous. The likeability factor alone that I feel I’ve achieved is huge! And I’m not referring to others thinking I’m more likeable, I’m talking about the fact that I like me more now than during the time where me didn’t seem to have much say about anything!

I think my friends benefit from this rediscovered frame of mind because it makes me a ‘catalyst for good’, theirs and mine. When the experience I bring to the table of our relationships pushes the people I care about to live their lives in a more productive fashion, it’s a win-win situation. Their gains, while propelling themselves forward, forging through obstacles or just remaining true to their personality and character; oh, what rich lives they will lead! It is worth it for me to personally be a witness to it. But more importantly, to see them experience what helps them remain in total control of themselves… priceless.

And yet, there is still a part of me deep inside that regrets pushing down the possibility of who I could have been when I didn't hold firm to the notion that who I was at that time in my early twenties was good enough and deserved to just BE. Still there is regret.

The regret comes from a place of "What if?" meaning that it probably shouldn't be explored because we all know that we can never really satisfactorily answer that question. If we are to deal in reality, then how my life turned out is exactly as it should be because of the choices and decisions I made, whether consciously or by drifting on automatic. Playing devil's advocate, envisioning that it could have been any different is what makes the feelings of regret so strong but also incredibly irrelevant. I can't go back and change anything now!

The subduing of my person-hood that began so long ago and what lasted for so many years has left me with the current feeling of “Man, I've really got some catching up to do!” I need to propel myself into taking the chances I had been so reluctant to take before and live my life exactly the way I want to now. Precious time was lost! I feel so empowered with my eyes wide open and brain fully engaged in the process of the life still ahead of me. So, maybe it's a good thing after all, this regret.

I think they might call that ‘The cycle of life’…

Enjoying Life

I'm a little inebriated. Enjoying my weekend, as it should be. Wine has helped with that.

The rest of my family is enjoying it the way they see fit. My husband, asleep on the couch... our dog, Olli, sleeping right next to him. My younger son, spending it with his girlfriend and the oldest, working. His experience, maybe not so fun.

I don't indulge as often as I used to because of the heart issues, and that makes perfect sense, but I still have to live a little.

My friends have made that perfectly clear to me that regardless of whatever my circumstances may be, I still have to LIVE. And if living means, enjoying it beyond the bounds of what my doctors are telling me... then by all means, it must be done. At the very least, if I'm breaking the rules, it means I'm enjoying my life.

Isn't that really what life is all about besides the day to day? Whether you decide for yourself enjoyment is about family, selfish indulging or shared enthusiasm... life is about enjoying it!

I raise my glass (thanks P!nk!) in honor of all those who fully appreciate that life is more than just about sacrifice and doing the right thing, it's about getting the MOST out of it.

I ♥ my life. :) .... and it's not just the wine talking.

Anti-Human

Comparison chart   Ethnicity Race Definition: An ethnic group or ethnicity is a population of human beings whose members identify with each other, on the basis of a real or a presumed common genealogy or ancestry. The term race refers to the concept of dividing people into populations or groups on the basis of various sets of physical characteristics which result from genetic ancestry. Significance: Ethnicity connotes shared cultural traits and a shared group history. Some ethnic groups also share linguistic or religious traits, while others share a common group history but not a common language or religion. Race presumes shared biological or genetic traits, whether actual or asserted. Racial genetic differences were previously assumed to have significance in the area of intelligence, but currently there is no evidence of that. Genealogy: Ethnicity is defined in terms of shared genealogy, whether actual or presumed. Typically, if people believe they descend from a particular group, and they want to be associated with that group, then they are in fact members of that group. Racial categories result from a shared genealogy due to geographical isolation. In the modern world this isolation has been broken down and racial groups have mixed. Distinguishing Factors: Ethnic groups distinguish themselves differently from one time period to another. They typically seek to define themselves but also are defined by the stereotypes of dominant groups. Races are assumed to be distinguished by skin color, facial type, etc. However, the scientific basis of racial distinctions is very weak. Scientific studies show that racial genetic differences are weak except in skin color. Nationalism: In 19th century, there was development of the political ideology of ethnic nationalism -- creating nations based on a presumed shared ethnic origins (e.g. Germany, Italy, Sweden...) In 19th century, the concept of nationalism was often used to justify the domination of one race over another within a specific nation. Legal System: In the last decades of the 20th century, in the U.S. and in most nations, the legal system as well as the official ideology prohibited ethnic-based discrimination. In the last decades of the 20th century, the legal system as well as the official ideology emphasized racial equality. Conflicts: Often brutal conflicts between ethnic groups have existed throughout history and across the world. But most ethnic groups in fact get along peacefully within one another in most nations most of the time.       Racial prejudice remains a continuing problem throughout the world. However, there are fewer race-based conflicts in the 21st century than in the past.   http://www.diffen.com/difference/Ethnicity_vs_Race The hairs on the back of my neck always go up when I get a questionnaire and must answer what my 'Race' is. I'm HUMAN! That's the race I belong to! My ethnicity is White! Well, after doing some research to gain a better grasp on the subject matter of this blog - changing the term Racism to Ethnicitism, I find out that I'm an ignorant Caucasian. I know there are many more people who have thought along the same lines as I have, so I'm sharing my learning experience with you. You're welcome.

I'm thrilled to understand something more accurately and will be the first to admit that I had it wrong. I'm appreciative that I have the ability to digest and accept the definition of those terms. However, acknowledging that understanding makes me go even deeper into why now either term - 'Racism' or the new term I wanted to attribute to discrimination 'Ethnicitism' - feels inappropriate.

My thought process and my humanity would lead me to believe that making distinctions based on color and/or physical characteristics is wrong and frankly, rude. We are segmented, classified, labeled, categorized and made into statistics far too often; this only allows more discrimination to flourish. When will we just stop and realize that regardless of our skin, our sex, our belief system, our sexual orientation, our upbringing or any other difference... we are simply... Humans. When can we get to a place where discrimination, in any form, against someone who is different from us because of any of those characteristics or more, means we are only being anti-human? The inner conversations I have struggled with, the injustices I have railed against all my life resonate around this one thing - How do we teach caring? If we just 'cared for' our fellow human beings rather than pointed out the differences that we have, our world would look much differently.  Being Pro-Human changes the current dynamic 'we allow discrimination to occur because the differences between us are more important' to 'the differences between us highlight we have the unique ability of be one of a wide variety of human beings'. Thinking about how we get to viewing humans in a whole new way always brings the movie 'Independence Day' into my mental imagery. If an entity would invade Earth, I do think that the current human inhabitants on this planet will finally understand how insignificant our differences really are when our existence is threatened on a global scale. My plea would be "How about we choose an enhanced humanity in our world right now without that being a requirement?" Can caring please rise up and become a more valid emotion NOW, rather than some archaic thought process that differences between us humans in this world is considered a threat? I hope so. I'll say it... "I'm NOT anti-human." Will you join me in declaring the same?

Surprise, Surprise

Artist Unknown

There ARE like-minded individuals in Kansas after all! What a wonderful sight to see.