Wow Factor.. You've Got It, Too

Don't just be in awe of other people... be in awe of yourself.

No Holding Back Allowed

It would seem that it was a conscious choice for me to go down that road of conformity as so many people do, but when I look back on my twenties it doesn't feel like it was done with my approval. The lessons learned during my upbringing and my duplicating them seem to be more important than forging the kind of life that I wanted for myself. This is how my life started to play out as I began the business of becoming an adult.

I was loud, strong and opinionated during my early childhood; specifically so during my teenage years. It seemed I was always in the face of figures of authority; questioning, defying and generally not accepting things 'just because' they said so. I rebelled and commandeered attention to my positions held because it was the right thing to do.... then.

When I approached my mid-thirties and reflected back on my years, it became evident that I had sacrificed the me who was so strong early on. I abdicated my choice in determining how to move forward when I started deceiving myself about who I was. Asking the question ‘When did I start lying to myself?’ didn’t help me to make any course corrections either. I gave in simply to 'fit in', took the path of least resistance or, many times, just reacted to life rather than determining what was best for me. I got a job, worked all week to party all weekend long, paid my bills, had failed relationships, got married, got divorced, bought a house, remarried and settled into a good but uneventful life with my husband and children. It was a good life and safe.

I frequently ask myself now, approaching my fifties, what made me conform in my early twenties and when did the lying to myself override my natural urge to throttle the establishment?  And that which was once so strong inside me, why couldn’t it find the strength to break free and let loose what so obviously was being held back? The only answer I keep coming back to is that the influence that was around me at the time seemed to deserve more attention from me, or warranted more credit than my very own input.

The insecurities borne in dysfunction only added to hold me back from a path of my own construction and gave me permission to let myself down. Me lying to myself made the choices more comfortable and made it easier to digest the unacknowledged dissatisfaction that was ever present. In looking back, I realized there were so many situations where the outcomes could easily have been predicted by my lack of involvement in the process, but I let it happen anyway.

The one decision I would remedy, if I could change anything from my past, is that instant when I semi-consciously allowed myself to depart from a state of feeling fully engaged with who I was to that state of being where I really became more of a bystander and follower. Before I resigned myself to that ‘traditional’ life I was proud of what I put out into the world. Sadly, and obviously, not enough though. It felt as if I had shifted from a place of strength to one of conforming to the examples around me. It seemed as if it wasn't me directing my life anymore, or me being the main contributor in who I wanted to be. It was a feeling of going with the flow rather than rocking the boat that seemed to be more important at the time. My life didn't turn out bad; it just wasn’t all that extraordinary either. In other words, it was the 'standard' life, far from what I had imagined for myself when I was much younger. And again, not that it was bad, but the emotion that this self-deception of the past evokes in me now, helps me to understand where it originally went off track.

As I reflect back now, I know that who I am today is a person I can still be proud of, and that where I reside intellectually is still an amazing place regardless of what I did not do in my life. Luckily, the lessons I learned over the years have shaped me well, and I am grateful for who I am now.

Today, I challenge myself as well as others to always push the boundaries of what they accept for themselves. The benefits I reap from challenging myself are enormous. The likeability factor alone that I feel I’ve achieved is huge! And I’m not referring to others thinking I’m more likeable, I’m talking about the fact that I like me more now than during the time where me didn’t seem to have much say about anything!

I think my friends benefit from this rediscovered frame of mind because it makes me a ‘catalyst for good’, theirs and mine. When the experience I bring to the table of our relationships pushes the people I care about to live their lives in a more productive fashion, it’s a win-win situation. Their gains, while propelling themselves forward, forging through obstacles or just remaining true to their personality and character; oh, what rich lives they will lead! It is worth it for me to personally be a witness to it. But more importantly, to see them experience what helps them remain in total control of themselves… priceless.

And yet, there is still a part of me deep inside that regrets pushing down the possibility of who I could have been when I didn't hold firm to the notion that who I was at that time in my early twenties was good enough and deserved to just BE. Still there is regret.

The regret comes from a place of "What if?" meaning that it probably shouldn't be explored because we all know that we can never really satisfactorily answer that question. If we are to deal in reality, then how my life turned out is exactly as it should be because of the choices and decisions I made, whether consciously or by drifting on automatic. Playing devil's advocate, envisioning that it could have been any different is what makes the feelings of regret so strong but also incredibly irrelevant. I can't go back and change anything now!

The subduing of my person-hood that began so long ago and what lasted for so many years has left me with the current feeling of “Man, I've really got some catching up to do!” I need to propel myself into taking the chances I had been so reluctant to take before and live my life exactly the way I want to now. Precious time was lost! I feel so empowered with my eyes wide open and brain fully engaged in the process of the life still ahead of me. So, maybe it's a good thing after all, this regret.

I think they might call that ‘The cycle of life’…

Enjoying Life

I'm a little inebriated. Enjoying my weekend, as it should be. Wine has helped with that.

The rest of my family is enjoying it the way they see fit. My husband, asleep on the couch... our dog, Olli, sleeping right next to him. My younger son, spending it with his girlfriend and the oldest, working. His experience, maybe not so fun.

I don't indulge as often as I used to because of the heart issues, and that makes perfect sense, but I still have to live a little.

My friends have made that perfectly clear to me that regardless of whatever my circumstances may be, I still have to LIVE. And if living means, enjoying it beyond the bounds of what my doctors are telling me... then by all means, it must be done. At the very least, if I'm breaking the rules, it means I'm enjoying my life.

Isn't that really what life is all about besides the day to day? Whether you decide for yourself enjoyment is about family, selfish indulging or shared enthusiasm... life is about enjoying it!

I raise my glass (thanks P!nk!) in honor of all those who fully appreciate that life is more than just about sacrifice and doing the right thing, it's about getting the MOST out of it.

I ♥ my life. :) .... and it's not just the wine talking.

Anti-Human

Comparison chart   Ethnicity Race Definition: An ethnic group or ethnicity is a population of human beings whose members identify with each other, on the basis of a real or a presumed common genealogy or ancestry. The term race refers to the concept of dividing people into populations or groups on the basis of various sets of physical characteristics which result from genetic ancestry. Significance: Ethnicity connotes shared cultural traits and a shared group history. Some ethnic groups also share linguistic or religious traits, while others share a common group history but not a common language or religion. Race presumes shared biological or genetic traits, whether actual or asserted. Racial genetic differences were previously assumed to have significance in the area of intelligence, but currently there is no evidence of that. Genealogy: Ethnicity is defined in terms of shared genealogy, whether actual or presumed. Typically, if people believe they descend from a particular group, and they want to be associated with that group, then they are in fact members of that group. Racial categories result from a shared genealogy due to geographical isolation. In the modern world this isolation has been broken down and racial groups have mixed. Distinguishing Factors: Ethnic groups distinguish themselves differently from one time period to another. They typically seek to define themselves but also are defined by the stereotypes of dominant groups. Races are assumed to be distinguished by skin color, facial type, etc. However, the scientific basis of racial distinctions is very weak. Scientific studies show that racial genetic differences are weak except in skin color. Nationalism: In 19th century, there was development of the political ideology of ethnic nationalism -- creating nations based on a presumed shared ethnic origins (e.g. Germany, Italy, Sweden...) In 19th century, the concept of nationalism was often used to justify the domination of one race over another within a specific nation. Legal System: In the last decades of the 20th century, in the U.S. and in most nations, the legal system as well as the official ideology prohibited ethnic-based discrimination. In the last decades of the 20th century, the legal system as well as the official ideology emphasized racial equality. Conflicts: Often brutal conflicts between ethnic groups have existed throughout history and across the world. But most ethnic groups in fact get along peacefully within one another in most nations most of the time.       Racial prejudice remains a continuing problem throughout the world. However, there are fewer race-based conflicts in the 21st century than in the past.   http://www.diffen.com/difference/Ethnicity_vs_Race The hairs on the back of my neck always go up when I get a questionnaire and must answer what my 'Race' is. I'm HUMAN! That's the race I belong to! My ethnicity is White! Well, after doing some research to gain a better grasp on the subject matter of this blog - changing the term Racism to Ethnicitism, I find out that I'm an ignorant Caucasian. I know there are many more people who have thought along the same lines as I have, so I'm sharing my learning experience with you. You're welcome.

I'm thrilled to understand something more accurately and will be the first to admit that I had it wrong. I'm appreciative that I have the ability to digest and accept the definition of those terms. However, acknowledging that understanding makes me go even deeper into why now either term - 'Racism' or the new term I wanted to attribute to discrimination 'Ethnicitism' - feels inappropriate.

My thought process and my humanity would lead me to believe that making distinctions based on color and/or physical characteristics is wrong and frankly, rude. We are segmented, classified, labeled, categorized and made into statistics far too often; this only allows more discrimination to flourish. When will we just stop and realize that regardless of our skin, our sex, our belief system, our sexual orientation, our upbringing or any other difference... we are simply... Humans. When can we get to a place where discrimination, in any form, against someone who is different from us because of any of those characteristics or more, means we are only being anti-human? The inner conversations I have struggled with, the injustices I have railed against all my life resonate around this one thing - How do we teach caring? If we just 'cared for' our fellow human beings rather than pointed out the differences that we have, our world would look much differently.  Being Pro-Human changes the current dynamic 'we allow discrimination to occur because the differences between us are more important' to 'the differences between us highlight we have the unique ability of be one of a wide variety of human beings'. Thinking about how we get to viewing humans in a whole new way always brings the movie 'Independence Day' into my mental imagery. If an entity would invade Earth, I do think that the current human inhabitants on this planet will finally understand how insignificant our differences really are when our existence is threatened on a global scale. My plea would be "How about we choose an enhanced humanity in our world right now without that being a requirement?" Can caring please rise up and become a more valid emotion NOW, rather than some archaic thought process that differences between us humans in this world is considered a threat? I hope so. I'll say it... "I'm NOT anti-human." Will you join me in declaring the same?

Surprise, Surprise

Artist Unknown

There ARE like-minded individuals in Kansas after all! What a wonderful sight to see.

Doing My Part

It is not my responsibility to ensure that you are happy, but it is my hope that I may be able to contribute to your happiness in a positive way.

The End

When this book is written, all the mysteries will be solved.

No Swearing on the Bible

Today, Dean Obeidallah, had an opinion piece on CNN.com. He nailed it.

As I'm reading it, all I kept saying was "Exactly!" To me, those who chose to be sworn in on a bible are saying they can't do the job without their god. Well, that or they don't want to offend the religious base. That is probably the more likely reasoning for choosing to swear on the bible rather than the constitution.

IMO, if you aren't able to lead this country (the one that DOES NOT exist on the supernatural plane but ACTUALLY exists) without the help of a god... why are you even pretending that you can lead it at all? AND then pulling a paycheck for it?

Being an elected official, representing your constituents is supposed to mean that you alone are qualified for the position. Isn't that why you run on policies, positions and proposals for change? YOU are going to make a difference, YOU will make things happen, YOU will LEAD... NOT A GOD!

There... I'm done now.

Faulty Friendships

My initial instincts.... wrong.

My perceptions.... grew.

My decision to say 'fare-thee-well'... spot on.

My life is better for it.

The Difference

Anti-Theists. Pro Active Atheists. Opposing Religious Harm.

I was recently told that I was mean because of all the 'religious stuff you post on your Facebook page'. The simple resolution is to turn off notifications and I pointed that out. She felt the need to make me understand where she was coming from. Ok, I can. I was even the one who gave directions on how to turn off my posts since they were so vile (impression I got from our conversation, not explicitly said that way). Do I agree with the assessment of my character and the attack of the content of my posts? No.

All I think I do is point out the things that don't make sense, are illogical and are down right incorrect. If the information is accurate, how is that being mean? It's me being factual and if people think that I'm being mean (the one pointing it that out to me and the people who are reading my stuff and are getting upset), then I would think the problem actually resides with their understanding of me. But I think it goes deeper than that. They obviously don't know what my intentions are, and they seem to have their own issues with the subject matter.

If someone is educating with the intention of opening eyes that were closed before, that isn't mean; it's trying to be helpful.  Could it be they are uncomfortable because they aren't sure of their own feelings, but yet they project their insecurities and blame onto me? I wish them resolution, if that's the case. I'm personally tired of taking the heat for their lack of personal insight, ignorance or their immaturity.

Now watch, I'll get chastised (or the cold shoulder) for defining their behavior as I see it, as if that is my fault, too. Me pointing out what I'm perceiving seems threatening to their ego because it challenges them to be honest and really examine their own thought process.

The only person I can take responsibility for is me. I know what I say, why I say it and how I say it. If the person on the receiving end decides to interpret things differently without going to the source first, then all they are doing is judging me without first hand knowledge. That is wrong and inaccurate; just saying. Whatever emotional issues come up from it, you need to figure out why it does, but please don't make me your scapegoat. I get enough of that shit just living as a unique individual in Kansas.